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Saturday, March 1, 2014

Unanticipated Change

Wednesday my BFF and I were enjoying a few laughs during our weekly wellness evening.  My friend, the consummate planner was struggling with another friends insistence on keeping a visit spontaneous.  It was pushing my friend completely out of her comfort zone and I must admit I enjoyed watching her struggle with it.

I have always been spontaneous.  Actually more like a commitment phobic, I have spent most of my adult life deflecting efforts to organize my free time.  It worked in the beginning with my friend.  She just booked me in for stuff and I just sort of showed up.  I didn't have to plan.

Fast forward a year later.  I am to go to a dinner party at a friends house tonight.  I knew this 6 days in advance.  Even then I found myself having to rebook and move my schedule around to accommodate the dinner.  This morning I woke up and felt restless, even though I did not have any particular plan, I was a bit anxious about knowing what time dinner was so I could plan out my day in between.


And this week I decided to organize my own dinner party so I could expose my friends to the merits of an artery clogging poutine dinner.  After mapping out schedules with my two must have people for the dinner, we ended up settling on a date in mid April.

Somehow, someway it seems that my commitment phobic ways have eased up.  That sense of panic I used to feel for planning far in advance is gone.  I am okay with committing to spend time with someone or something.  I do not want to explore the psychology behind it all, because I am sure both you and I have better things to do than wade through all that muck.

And of course that triggered some more reflection.  I thought of how punctual I have become, the result of my structured Swiss environment. I also thought of how I avoid buying things and spend more on experiential moments.  After owning two cars for many years I have almost reached the two year mark of having no vehicle and travel only by public transport.  I have learned to be comfortable in my own skin, literally, when I enjoy the much coveted sauna evenings.  I have learned to put the credit card away and pay only with cash.  I learned the incredible value of friendship from living somewhere entirely alone.  The list is long.  I suppose over the past 4 years I have changed a bit more than I thought.  Change was not something that I set out to do on this transatlantic adventure of mine.  But I did.  I am not the same person I was when I left my home country.

I am so thankful for this experience.   For all of it.  The people, the places.  I did not plan to move to Europe ever.  It was not a part of my life goals.  The whole thing just sort of happened before I had really absorbed the reality of it all.  And in the end, I think I am better for the experience of it.

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