Still here thanks to you...

Would you believe that I just celebrated my third year anniversary here in Zurich?  Before that it was two years in Austria.  It is really a bit difficult to comprehend. Never in this life of mine did I long for a life that involved me leaving my family for an overseas local.  

On a recent trip to Canada, a sales clerk asked me where I was from because I spoke "good English".  I was mortified.  "I am Canadian!" I protested a bit too loudly.  In hindsight I get it. Her friendly Canadian manner was just making conversation after noticing my weird accent. I hear about it enough at home.  My Canadian accent is gone.  Abroad people still laugh like heck when I say "about" and the fact that I sound so Canadian. My British pal whines that I am ruining her accent.  My BFF has perfected my Canadian accent so well, that everyone thinks that she is Canadian, even over me.  

As thoroughly Canadian as I am, it is changing.  Accents, mannerisms, habits, routines - even the way I think has changed.  For instance, in Canada I don't believe I ever made a meeting on time, it was deemed too keen to arrive right on schedule.  Just this week I found myself apologizing for arriving 3 minutes after the scheduled meeting time.

Now for the 5 year look back.  It has not been easy.  My family has in moments suffered in their willingness to support and love me from afar.  I sometimes crawl into bed missing them so much that it literally takes my breath away.  

So why am I still here? Why leave the ones you love most of all? This is a question that I am often asked.  It breaks my heart a little when it happens, but I understand why people ask.  It is weird. Seemingly counterintuitive even.  

It is an answer that is so difficult to explain.  I felt restless.  It was a way of being most of my life.  I was always searching for something.  When with my son and family I felt contentment.  Happiness.  So there I focused my energies even more.  I absorbed them.  As my son pulled away in his eagerness to build his own life, I struggled.  The restless feeling became more prominent.  When the opportunity came up to move - they pushed me to leave.  It was not I that sought it.

But they were right.  The restless feeling eased.  

So on this third year (Zurich) anniversary, I want to thank my incredible family for being who they are - how incredibly lucky I am.  I love you.

I also want to thank this beautiful country for letting me call it home, and the people in it that accept and love this displaced Canadian.

...and it seems fitting to wrap it up with this Canadian song...

Chapter Two

Wow!  Look how long it has been since my last blog. 

As with all of us,  life has been busy.  Fulfilling the demands of responsibilities, experiencing  life and dabbling with the dramas associated with love.  In the months that passed everything changed, but when you look at it in a superficial sense, nothing changed at all.  I am still in Switzerland, my family in Canada, I remain single  - even work remains essentially the same.

But I am not.  

One of the reasons for my blogging absence was that I needed to find my voice.  The experiences that life had thrown my way of late touched me in ways that are difficult to explain.   I only knew that as I sat down and placed my fingers on the keyboard that the words had ceased to flow.  Just as I sought deeper relationships and connections with those that filled my days and life, I needed that deeper connection to also come out in my words.    

So here we go.  A fresh chapter.  I think that Nice might be the perfect setting from which to begin.   Maybe with my best friend too.  

But first, I want to take a moment and thank all those very special people – the ones that I love, loved and to those who also love me no matter what the day or the weather.   You make this life of mine oh so much richer.

Choose Wisely

Initially I titled this blog "wind beneath my wings".  I know it sounds like another terrible cliche, but perhaps they exist for a reason.  Maybe we all experience them at some point in our lives and as a such can easily relate.  Let me elaborate...

Two years have passed since my arrival in Zurich.  I have experienced so much, good and bad - and now I must watch someone close to me face the biggest challenge of his life.  I will not speak about the challenge my friend faces as that is his story to share - not mine. Selfishly I must admit I was thrown off.  I was angry at the injustice of life.  I floated between acceptance and denial - the pendulum swinging to extremes.  In my life, I have learned that one must be prepared to battle if necessary.  But this time the enemy was not mine and I had to accept that this was not a battle I could fight. As I struggled to deal with my helplessness I was in fact even comforted by my friend and his strength.

I cannot believe how incredibly blessed I am with my family.  Always there, I have felt the warmth of unconditional love and support no matter what the hurdle.  Even my son encourages, inspires and supports me to the point that in moments I sometimes wonder who is actually the parent.  But now let me get back to my two years here in Zurich.  I have another family.  My Zurich family.  An eclectic blend of nationalities and backgrounds, they have become incredibly special to me.  This week as I struggled with the fragile veil of composure they were there.  Instantly.  In essence they were indeed the wind beneath my wings this week.

The gratitude I feel for these people is enormous.  As lucky as I am to have such an amazing family back home, I am also extraordinarily fortunate to have this adopted Zurich one as well.

In all my written ramblings over the years, I have refrained from offering any type of advice or specific insight - but today that is different.  I say choose wisely.  Someday, sometime we will unfortunately all face a challenge, so choose carefully the people you let close to you.  Let the ones go who are unworthy.  Decide what type of friend you want to be.  Enjoy the moments, the days, the laughter.  Choose the type of life you want.  I have an amazing one, simply because of the company I choose to keep.

Poutine!

I introduced my friends to the infamous French Canadian POUTINE (not sure why autocorrect insists on all capitals here) last night, and despite their skepticism it was a resounding success. 

Of course I could not obtain cheese curds, so we improvised with a few variations.  Even the blue cheese version went over well. 

A combination of French fries, gravy and cheese - diets were parked at door.  

And then we had to move on to some salmon marinated in maple syrup and jalapeño.  It is a bit fun sharing some of the taken-for-granted-Canadian-stuff with friends here.

Although I miss having all the entertaining  "gear" that I had back in Canada, I am making do and enjoy cooking for friends once again.  

At First Sight

That is it.  I am completely and totally in love.

The first evening was spent wandering about the city
streets, delightfully lost.  

I have never really had a surprise trip before.  Although I had some suspicions about the destination,  I really did not ultimately know until I was at the gate.  How is this possible in today's modern world of high security air travel?  Let me just say that I did not even have to show one piece of identification from the moment I entered the airport until arriving at the hotel.  Yes, apparently the hotel was more concerned about my identity than airport security, but alas that is a rant and not quite what I am in the mood for today.

So I arrived in Venice (not Venus as auto correct would prefer to have had me doing for some reason) and immediately fell in love.

There was an adorable old book store, absolutely loaded with used books.  Anyone who knows me is well-acquainted with my affinity for old and antique books.  The wonderful staircase of books was hidden in the books store's rear courtyard and lead to a spectacular canal view.  I could have spent hours there.

This little trip was good for me.  As I shared before, the road has been a bit bumpy lately.  I have spent much time worrying about things of which I had no control.  Enjoying a moment had become difficult because I was not in it.  My mind was elsewhere.  

Of course we had to do a tour on the black gondola. I like to call this photo "rush hour in Venice."

To cross or not to cross?  Translated this sign reads "Bridge of the Devil". Guess what I did?

How could I not fall in love with this place when waking to this view each morning of my short stay?

Heading under the famous Rialto bridge in the black gondola.

But then Venice happened.  I found myself living only in the moment.  Absorbing the history, the people, the vibe of the place - I have to admit that I even adore the sound of the language.  No, it is not my first time in Italy, far from it in fact, I seem to have sort of have a thing for this country.

Anyway, to ramble on seems wrong somehow.  I cannot do the affection I have for this place justice - perhaps the photos will instead :)

So true.  I found this at the Peggy Guggenheim Museum and loved the sentiment.

Lost in Translation

Call me childish, but the name of this place made me smile.  I found it while enjoying the most amazing ski day at Flims.  

Unanticipated Change

Wednesday my BFF and I were enjoying a few laughs during our weekly wellness evening.  My friend, the consummate planner was struggling with another friends insistence on keeping a visit spontaneous.  It was pushing my friend completely out of her comfort zone and I must admit I enjoyed watching her struggle with it.

I have always been spontaneous.  Actually more like a commitment phobic, I have spent most of my adult life deflecting efforts to organize my free time.  It worked in the beginning with my friend.  She just booked me in for stuff and I just sort of showed up.  I didn't have to plan.

Fast forward a year later.  I am to go to a dinner party at a friends house tonight.  I knew this 6 days in advance.  Even then I found myself having to rebook and move my schedule around to accommodate the dinner.  This morning I woke up and felt restless, even though I did not have any particular plan, I was a bit anxious about knowing what time dinner was so I could plan out my day in between.

Funny.

And this week I decided to organize my own dinner party so I could expose my friends to the merits of an artery clogging poutine dinner.  After mapping out schedules with my two must have people for the dinner, we ended up settling on a date in mid April.

Somehow, someway it seems that my commitment phobic ways have eased up.  That sense of panic I used to feel for planning far in advance is gone.  I am okay with committing to spend time with someone or something.  I do not want to explore the psychology behind it all, because I am sure both you and I have better things to do than wade through all that muck.

And of course that triggered some more reflection.  I thought of how punctual I have become, the result of my structured Swiss environment. I also thought of how I avoid buying things and spend more on experiential moments.  After owning two cars for many years I have almost reached the two year mark of having no vehicle and travel only by public transport.  I have learned to be comfortable in my own skin, literally, when I enjoy the much coveted sauna evenings.  I have learned to put the credit card away and pay only with cash.  I learned the incredible value of friendship from living somewhere entirely alone.  The list is long.  I suppose over the past 4 years I have changed a bit more than I thought.  Change was not something that I set out to do on this transatlantic adventure of mine.  But I did.  I am not the same person I was when I left my home country.

I am so thankful for this experience.   For all of it.  The people, the places.  I did not plan to move to Europe ever.  It was not a part of my life goals.  The whole thing just sort of happened before I had really absorbed the reality of it all.  And in the end, I think I am better for the experience of it.